Malam ini, mendadak gw kepikiran hal-hal yg suka gw lakuin beberapa tahun yang lalu. Waktu ngelakuinnya dulu sih terasa biasa-biasa aja, bahkan sama sekali ga kebayang kalo suatu hari gw akan menengok ke belakang dan merindukan itu semua.
Gw kangennn nyetir malem2 muter-muter Bandung sendirian, tanpa tujuan dan sengaja nyasar-nyasar dan ujungnya justru bikin gw makin ngerti jalan. Ke Lembang pagi-pagi buta cuma buat minum yoghurt, atau tengah malem jalan kaki nyusruk2 di kebun tomat (lagi-lagi di Lembang) cuma biar dapet spot yg bagus buat ngeliatin bintang.. Main kembang api di lapangan Gasibu, bertingkah konyol seolah-olah ga punya beban.. Jemput temen gw di kost-nya jam 4 pagi cuma ngajakin minum kopi aceh sambil ngobrol2 ngalor-ngidul.. 'Kabur' dari rumah abis subuh ke Ancol, duduk di pinggir pantai, belum mandi, sendirian sambil makan kentang goreng dan ngeliatin orang2 jogging.. Nyetir dari airport menuju rumah dan somehow ended up di Taman Safari (ha!).. Dan masih banyak tindakan-tindakan sejenis yang dulu biasa gw lakuin.. Kangen kangen kangenn!!! Kangen itu semua!
The point is: I miss being impulsive! When I look back at that time of my life, I remember how impulsive and spontaneous I used to be. Somehow I think I still am, deep deep down inside. Like it or not, as I grow older and gain more responsibilities, it gets harder and harder to be impulsive, to be reckless and do those spur-of-the-moment kind of things. Too many things and/or people to consider, too many priorities have got to come first, hence too many crazily impulsive "ideas" to put aside. *sigh*
I hate the fact that now I'm just plain old and boring. Ack!
Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us?
If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment? One moment, that you've always wanted back.
The girl saw the comet and she felt as though her life had meaning. And when it went away, she waited her entire life for it to come back to her. It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to her life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes she walked among them. But even in her darkest hours, she knew in her heart that someday it would return to her, and her world would be whole again.. And her belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in her heart.