Super (Romantic) Hero

I'm not a fan of super hero type of movies.. On this department, I can proudly say that I'm a total girly girl.. LOL! I almost don't give a tiny rat's ass about the übercool fighting scenes, scary monsters/mutants/crazy scientist/robot/alien whatsoever, or all those spectacular special effects thingies that lots of people go ga ga about. Those are the things that make me snore during the movie. Want me to stay awake?? More drama, please! Put on some romantic scenes with heartmelting dialogues and I shall guarantee you my undivided attention. Less frames of the super hero trying to kill the monsters, and more of the super hero taking his girlfriend out to a romantic dinner! Haha. Yeah, you got the idea.

Well, since the romantic scenes are basically all I care about from super hero movies, here I am posting the lines which, I think, are the most romantic lines from all of the superhero movies I've watched so far. It's from the last scene of Spiderman 2. =)

Mary Jane: Peter. I can't survive without you.

Peter Parker: You shouldn't be here.

Mary Jane: I know you think we can't be together, but can't you respect me enough to let me make my own decision? I know there'll be risks but I want to face them with you. It's wrong that we should be only half alive... half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am… standing in your doorway. I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?

Mary Jane: Well, say something…

Peter Parker: Thank you, Mary Jane.

Ah, if I were a guy, I'd definitely marry someone like MJ.

--

Sent from my mobile device

(I've had) Enough

I forgive you, not because I want to become a saint but because I do not want to endure this hatred. This tiresome hatred.

Now leave us alone.

Ten

Whoever said that love is easy, must has never been in love;
Sometimes it's a land mine, one wrong step and it blows up;
A word, a look, lights a hidden fuse.

It's hard to see just what you have, when you're seeing red;
And it's easy to do something that you know you both will regret;
Better stop, think, count to ten before I leave.

One, I still wanna hate you;
Two, three, I still wanna leave;
Four, searching for that door;
Five, then I look into your eyes;
Six, take a deep breath;
Seven, take a step back;
Eight, nine, I don't know why, we even started this fight;
By the time I get to ten, I'm right back in your arms again.

Words thrown so callously like weapons when we fight;
But when they cut too deep, I wanna leave it all behind;
That I've to count to ten, before I cross that line.

One, I still wanna hate you;
Two, three, I still wanna leave;
Four, searching for that door;
Five, then I look into your eyes;
Six, take a deep breath;
Seven, take a step back;
Eight, nine, I don't know why, we even started this fight;
By the time I get to ten, I'm right back in your arms again.

You can lose what you're not thankful for,
I don't want that to happen to you and me,
Better count my blessings.

One, you still move me;
Two, three, you send chills right through me;
Four, you keep me wanting more;
Five, when I look into your eyes;
Six, you're my best friend;
Seven, that will never end;
Eight, nine, I don't know why, but thank God it happens everytime;
By the time I get to ten,
By the time I get to ten,
I can see how blessed I've been.

I'd chose you all over again...

(Jewel Kilcher)

Misiii.. saya mau merepet dulu..

Sesuai judul postingan kali ini.. I'm wrilly2 in the mood for merepeeutt aka curcol gila2an.. eits, gak curcol juga siih secara panjang ya, bok!

Kalimat di atas itu adalah warning yaa, so kalo sodara-sodari hadirin-hadirot sekalian punya hajat yang lebih penting ketimbang baca repetan saya, disarankan buat close aja window nya..karena eh karena sumpah deh postingan ini rasa2nya kurang bermanfaat buat kemaslahatan umat..

Eh tapi kalo emang lagi segitu mati gaya nya ga ada kerjaan sih sok atuh manggaaa menyaksikan saya merepet..

Baiklah tanpa lebih banyak congcings mari segera dimulei.. Pusat permasalahan kehidupan eyke akhir2 ini rasa2nya bersumber di satu kata deh.. KAWIN! hahahahahaha.. (tertawa frustrasi) Maaak, umur udah lewat seperempat abad iniii.. udah masuk masa2 krisis pengen ngerasain kewong! Rambut pun udah mulei beruban satu dua helai..

Pujaan hati pun insyaAllah udah tersedia..udah mantep lah ini hati segala macem pokonya mah insyaAllah kami siapppp (dan ngebet..hahaha) lahir batinnn.. Keluarga punnn insyaAllah udah sreg di hati..saya sudah (pede) diterima ama keluarga sang pujaan hati..secara pendekatannya juga udah nyaris 10 taon.. dari adeknya masih esde sampe udah mau lulus SMA!! Lama yeee.. iye!

Nahh,,terus kenapa dong dong dong gak kawin kawin jugaa?? Pan katanya situ ngebet?? Huhuhu.. Masalahnyaaa, karena suatu hal berbau tradisi adat-istiadat yang krusial (buat keluarga, buat gw mah kagak!), sang pujaan hati eyke masih belum bisa merasakan apa yg saya rasakan dengan keluarga doi.. singkatnya, belum diterima. Kasiaan yaaa.. Sepuluh taun jek.. Kemane ajeee ente??! hahaha.. (terlalu banyak tertawa mengindikasikan perasaan miris yg ditutup2i)

Segala daya dan upaya rasa2nya udah kami lakukan deh untuk menggoyahkan kekerasan hati yang paduka raja padang pasir (baca: eyke punya bapak moyang), karena niscaya kalo hati sang paduka sudah luluh mah anggota kerajaan yg lain dijamin manut2 ajee.. Tapiii, ya apa mau dikata..namanya juga ujian yah..mungkin emang belum waktunya juga sehingga saya dan sang pujaan hati harus luar biasa sabaaaarrrrrrrrrrr..sembari menahan hasrat yg kian membuncah untuk membina bahtera rumah tangga.. ahuhuhu.. Tapi teteeupp haqqul yaqiiiiinn insyaAllah kalo saatnya tiba my daddy daddy bala bala akan rontok juga hatinya sama calon menantunya iniii.. Aamiin..

Hey Daddy, if you read my blog..percayalah tidak ada lelaki di luaran sana yang bisa mencintai, menjaga, membahagiakan, membimbing dan memimpin anak gadis sematawayang-mu ini sebaik dia!! =)

Sabar sabar sabarrr.. itu sihh inti dari perjuangan cinta kita berdua.. Caelah.. Dari mulai saya ditembak di depan lab kimia SMA kita bulan Januari 2001.. ahik..ahikk.. Terus ditinggal kuliah di luar negeri enam bulan sesudahnyaa.. Long distance lima tauuuunnn.. Dari mulai beda waktu 1 jam sampe 12 jam..udah tau rasanya! Teteupp mesti sabaaarrr.. hahaha.. Walopun akhirnya saya sempat cemen dan ngerasa lelah pacaran jauh2an yg berujung kita putus (di status, di hati mah gak pernah kali yaa??hahaha.. najis!)

Tapi insyaAllah kalo jodoh gak kemana2 emang.. setelah hampir 3 taun jalan sendiri2, ya kok bisa2nya di'pertemukan' lagi dalam kondisi yang rasa2nya terlalu menakjubkan buat dibilang kebetulan.. Prikitiiiwww! (Afterall, kita percaya nggak ada yang kebetulan di dunia ini.) Saat itu juga, we instantly know..this is it..we're meant to be together and nothing can ever come in between again, insyaAllah!

Eits, tapi emang ga boleh jumawa berlebihan..hahaha..pasalnya, sungguh ironis..beberapa saat setelah kita nyambung lagi ituuu, sang pujaan hati harus beremigrasi ke negeri kumpeni buat mengejar cita2nya menjadi ilmuwan dan menguasai dunia! Maaakk, ditinggal lagi doong eykeeee.. Halo, long distance relationship apa kabarmu..kita berjumpa lagii! *nangis guling2an tujuh hari tujuh malem!*

Ehh, apa tadi kuncinyaa?? SABARRR.. tuh ditulis gede2 di karton manila berhias glitter, ditempel di cermin samping tempat tidur biar tiap bangun pagi bisa terapi menghipnotis diri sendiri.. Lagipula, insyaAllah jauh2an kali ini nggak sampe selama dulu dongg.. ya iya kan pengennya cepet2 kawinnn.. huhuhu.. Segala daya dan upaya punn digencarkan untuk mencapai tujuan itu, terutama mendapat restu sang paduka raja padang pasir.. Tiada hil yang mustahal kalo atas izin Allah kan yaaa.. jadi insyaAllah penolakan2 beliau selama ini gak bikin kami gencar melainkan semakin kekeuh sumekeuhh..

Walaupun demikian, saya dan pujaan hati teteeup manusia biasa yaaa.. Kadang2 saya juga jiper, galau, stress, capek, nangis guling2an, apalagi ngeliatin orang2 pada kawinnn semuaaa..aaaa gw kapaann??!! Nanti giliran eyke yg udah sembuh, gantian sang pujaan hati yg sutresno.. ganti2an ajaaa gitu.. Tapi Alhamdulillah bisa saling menguatkan kalo yg satu lagi lemah, dia bisa menahan saya kalo pengen guling2an di rel kereta Lenteng Agung, dan saya juga bisa nahan dia untuk gak lompat ke dalem kanal di Delft sono.. Hihihi..

Teteuppp berdoa dan ikhtiar sekekeuh mungkin lahh.. Dan insyaAllah kalo kondisi kejiwaan ini memungkinkan, kita sekarang sih udah ga mau stres2an lagi mainannya..udah ga mau galau2an lagi meratapi nasib.. huhuhu.. Buang2 waktu dan enerhiii.. (buat yg belom tau, percayalah nangis dua hari dua malem itu jauhh lebih CAPEK daripada main dance dance revolution dua hari dua malem non stop!) Jadi, daripada nelongso mewek2an mengasiani diri sendiri, mariiiii kita semangattt '45 buat menyusun strategi menuju tujan yang diimpi2kan yaituuu..tak lain dan tak bukan adalah MENIKAH! Menjalankan sunnah Rasulullah saw, menyempurnakan separuh agama, membangun keluarga yang sakinah mawaddah warahmah.. InsyaAllah.. Aamiiin ya robbal alamiiin..

Semoga sesegera mungkin kalo bobo' ada dia yang nemenin..Hihihii.. Meskipun suara ngoroknya dijamin tidak hanya menggetarkan jantung hatiku..ihiiyy.. tapi juga tembok rumah tetangga!

nyuwun pareng

Kepada dia yang menggenggam kehidupan

kupanjatkan maaf tiada terputus

mengemasi satu demi satu serpihan tanya

pergi mencari benar yang tak hanya di kepala

Dari dia yang bersinggasana dalam terang

kudapati keharusan menelan kata

mengikat erat2 renjana dalam pikiran

membiarkan mimpi penuh luka melepuh perih

Kepada dia yang berkalang hujan

kuletakkan salam yang mulia baginya

bersama racau doa meski tak sempurna

sebanyak sayang tak pernah hilang

Dari dia yang membentuk rupa jiwa

kuyakini hati untuk kembali suatu hari

mengais remah-remah atas nama restu semesta

menangisi senyuman di ujung penantian

Tentang Perempuan

Dia yang diambil dari tulang rusukmu.

Jika Tuhan mempersatukan dua orang yang berlawanan sifatnya, maka itu akan saling melengkapi. Dialah penolongmu yang sepadan, bukan sparing partner yang sepadan. Ketika pertandingan dimulai, dia tidak akan berhadapan denganmu untuk melawan tetapi dia akan ada bersamamu untuk berjaga-jaga di belakang saat engkau berada di depan atau segera mengembalikan bola ketika bola itu terlewat olehmu; dialah yang akan melengkapi kekuranganmu.

Dia ada untuk melengkapi yang tidak ada dalam laki-laki: perasaan, emosi, kelemahlembutan, keluwesan, keindahan, kecantikan, rahim untuk melahirkan, mengurusi hal-hal sepele; hingga ketika laki-laki tidak mengerti hal-hal itu, dialah yang akan menyelesaikan bagiannya sehingga tanpa kau sadari, ketika kau menjalani sisa hidupmu, kau akan menjadi lebih kuat karena hadirnya di sisimu.

Jika ada makhluk yang sangat bertolak belakang, kontras dengan lelaki, itulah perempuan. Jika ada makhluk yang sanggup menaklukkan hati hanya dengan sebuah senyuman, itulah perempuan. Ia tidak butuh argumentasi hebat dari seorang laki-laki tetapi ia butuh jaminan rasa aman darinya, karena ia ada untuk dilindungi. Tidak hanya secara fisik, namun juga emosi.

Ia boleh jadi tidak tertarik kepada fakta-fakta yang akurat, bahasa yang teliti dan logis yang bisa disampaikan secara detail dari seorang laki-laki, tetapi yang ia butuhkan adalah perhatiannya, kata-kata yang lembut, ungkapan-ungkapan sayang yang sepele namun sangat berarti baginya; membuatnya aman di dekatmu.

Batu yang keras dapat terkikis habis oleh air yang luwes, sifat laki-laki yang keras ternetralisir oleh kelembutan perempuan. Rumput yang lembut tidak mudah tumbang oleh badai dibandingkan dengan pohon besar dan rindang, seperti juga di dalam kelembutannya, di situlah terletak kekuatan dan ketahanan yang membuatnya bisa bertahan dalam situasi apapun. Ia lembut bukan untuk diinjak, rumput yang lembut akan dinaungi oleh pohon yang kokoh dan rindang.

Jika lelaki berpikir tentang perasaan wanita, itu akan menyita sepersekian dari hidupnya. Tetapi jika perempuan berpikir tentang perasaan lelaki, itu akan menyita seluruh hidupnya.

Karena perempuan diciptakan dari tulang rusuk laki-laki, karena perempuan adalah bagian dari laki-laki.. apa yang menjadi bagian hidupnya, akan menjadi bagian bagi hidupmu. Karena kau dan dia adalah satu. Dia adalah dirimu yang tak ada sebelumnya. Ketika pertandingan dimulai, pastikan dia ada di bagian lapangan yang sama denganmu.

JUNE OH JUNE!

JUNE BLOODY JUNE!!

This month is definitely insane..

between the high-pressure deadline,

the lack of time (or my poor time management, to be honest)

the non-cooperative team,

and my obsession over every teeny tiny detail,

I'm screwed!! Pretty much.

The only three things that stop me from using my sharp pair of scissors to stab someone are praying, THE 2010 WORLDCUP, and the fact that my handsome boyfriend is coming at the end of the month!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!

WHAT FOLKS ARE MADE OF

What are little babies made of, made of?

What are little babies made of?

Diapers and crumbs and sucking their thumbs;

That's what little babies are made of.

What are little boys made of, made of?

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails and puppy-dog tails;

That's what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of, made of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and everything nice;

That's what little girls are made of.

What are young men made of, made of?

What are young men made of?

Sighs and leers and crocodile tears;

That's what young men are made of.

What are young women made of, made of?

What are young women made of?

Rings and jings and other fine things;

That's what young women are made of.

What are our sailors made of, made of?

What are our sailors made of?

Pitch and tar, pig-tail and scar;

That's what our sailors are made of.

What are our soldiers made of, made of?

What are our soldiers made of?

Pipeclay and drill, the foeman to kill;

That's what our soldiers are made of.

What are our nurses made of, made of?

What are our nurses made of?

Bushes and thorns and old cow's horns;

That's what our nurses are made of.

What are our fathers made of, made of?

What are our fathers made of?

Pipes and smoke and collars choke;

That's what our fathers are made of.

What are our mothers made of, made of?

What are our mothers made of?

Ribbons and laces and sweet pretty faces;

That's what our mothers are made of.

What are old men made of, made of?

What are old men made of?

Slippers that flop and a bald-headed top;

That's what old men are made of.

What are old women made of, made of?

What are old women made of?

Reels, and jeels, and old spinning wheels;

That's what old women are made of.

What are all folks made of, made of?

What are all folks made of?

Fighting a spot and loving a lot,

That's what all folks are made of.

Robert Southey (1774-1843)

Re: something special

dear errr..what's your name again?,

there you go again, nice touch with those songs and personal stuffs.. we thought you finally got tired or hit by a bus or something.. good to know you're alive, dear..

we're not gonna lie here, your emails did bug us at first..but now we simply see them as hilarious and quite entertaining.. it's amusing, really, to see how hard you're trying to piss us off.. your little evil mind must be getting a bit tired by now, no? we sincerely hope you haven't run out of ideas yet..

we'd like to thank you for sending us those "free entertainment", and basically for your existence , you know, give us something to laugh about since there's nothing good on tv these days.. your existence has also been a great reminder for us to be more grateful for everything we've got.. to be honest, we never truly realized before how lucky we are for having a healthy healthy healthy mind and emotions, unlike some people.. ;)

well, we think that's all we need to say to you.. looking forward to your next move, dear..

warmest regards,

nisa+fatwa

ps. oh by the way, we happen to know a really good shrink, like..a really good one! let us know if you need the number..you know, if somehow you ever get too depressed or have an urge to kill yourself or something like that..we'd be more than happy to help! ;)

the moment of truth

"Daydream delusion
Limousine eyelash
Oh, baby, with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
I am a delusion angel
I'm a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Lodged in life, like branches in the river
Flowing downstream caught in the current
I carry you, you'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now?"

A very beautiful poem from one of my all time favorite movies, Before Sunrise.

--
Sent from my mobile device

old and boring

Malam ini, mendadak gw kepikiran hal-hal yg suka gw lakuin beberapa tahun yang lalu. Waktu ngelakuinnya dulu sih terasa biasa-biasa aja, bahkan sama sekali ga kebayang kalo suatu hari gw akan menengok ke belakang dan merindukan itu semua.

Gw kangennn nyetir malem2 muter-muter Bandung sendirian, tanpa tujuan dan sengaja nyasar-nyasar dan ujungnya justru bikin gw makin ngerti jalan. Ke Lembang pagi-pagi buta cuma buat minum yoghurt, atau tengah malem jalan kaki nyusruk2 di kebun tomat (lagi-lagi di Lembang) cuma biar dapet spot yg bagus buat ngeliatin bintang.. Main kembang api di lapangan Gasibu, bertingkah konyol seolah-olah ga punya beban.. Jemput temen gw di kost-nya jam 4 pagi cuma ngajakin minum kopi aceh sambil ngobrol2 ngalor-ngidul.. 'Kabur' dari rumah abis subuh ke Ancol, duduk di pinggir pantai, belum mandi, sendirian sambil makan kentang goreng dan ngeliatin orang2 jogging.. Nyetir dari airport menuju rumah dan somehow ended up di Taman Safari (ha!).. Dan masih banyak tindakan-tindakan sejenis yang dulu biasa gw lakuin.. Kangen kangen kangenn!!! Kangen itu semua!

The point is: I miss being impulsive! When I look back at that time of my life, I remember how impulsive and spontaneous I used to be. Somehow I think I still am, deep deep down inside. Like it or not, as I grow older and gain more responsibilities, it gets harder and harder to be impulsive, to be reckless and do those spur-of-the-moment kind of things. Too many things and/or people to consider, too many priorities have got to come first, hence too many crazily impulsive "ideas" to put aside. *sigh*

I hate the fact that now I'm just plain old and boring. Ack!

--

Sent from my mobile device

menangislah!

Sometimes in order to help He makes us cry

Happy the eye that sheds tears for His sake

Fortunate the heart that burns for His sake

Laughter always follow tears

Blessed are those who understand

Life blossoms wherever water flows

Where tears are shed divine mercy is shown

[Jalaluddin Rumi]

question marks

Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives or if the moments in our lives make us?

If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment? One moment, that you've always wanted back.

The Comet

The girl saw the comet and she felt as though her life had meaning. And when it went away, she waited her entire life for it to come back to her. It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to her life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes she walked among them. But even in her darkest hours, she knew in her heart that someday it would return to her, and her world would be whole again.. And her belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in her heart.

--

Sent from my mobile device

kangen kamu.. :'(

Wonder if this constant aching pain in my heart is ever gonna go away.

I miss him.

Terribly.

It hurts when I think. It hurts when I breathe. It hurts when I talk. It hurts when I cry. It hurts when I walk. It hurts when I'm surrounded by other people. It hurts when I laugh out loud. It hurts when I pretend to be all fine. It hurts when I try to sleep. It hurts when I wake up. It hurts when I stand still. It hurts when I'm alone. It hurts when I write. It hurts when I keep silent. It hurts when I run. It hurts when I fake a smile.

GOD!

I miss him so much.

I don't even care if this post makes me look like a stupid dramatic teenage girl.

the same deep water as you

I've been re-watching early seasons of One Tree Hill these past few weeks.. And there's this one episode in season 4 where Brooke broke up with Lucas for good.. I don't know why, but I find the lines rather heartfelt..

BROOKE: "Listen, I know it’s been difficult for you lately, losing Keith and your heart condition and giving up basketball.. I feel like I’ve been keeping you close to me to try to protect you from those things.. like I’m hanging on to the two of us for you..but not for me."

LUCAS: "I’m sorry I kissed Peyton.. I should’ve told you."

BROOKE: "It’s not about that, Luke.. It’s not.. I thought that it was but this is not about her this is about me.. I love you, Lucas and I probably always will.. But we go days without having a meaningful conversation.. and I used to miss you so much when that happened.. But it never seemed like you missed me and I guess because of it I stopped missing you.. I mean, look at today.."

LUCAS: (v.o) I guess I should’ve said something, anything, I mean, for a guy who wants to be a writer it suddenly seemed like no words had ever been written.. but when someone tells you they stopped missing you.. you’re pretty much screwed no matter what you say.

BROOKE: "There was an accident and you..called me afterwards.. But making a mix with Peyton? Sharing a laugh with Peyton.. It shouldn’t be, should it?"

BROOKE: "..shouldn’t be like this, Luke."

LUCAS: "Brooke.."

BROOKE: "I’m sorry.. I can’t do this anymore."

LUCAS: (v.o) See but there had to be something, right? Something that no one had ever said in the history of the world.. something that could change this.

LUCAS: "Brooke.. I’m sorry."

BROOKE: Yeah, me, too.

Whoa.. It breaks my heart.

Someday

It's the biggest storm in years they say.
Couldn't take a plane so I hopped a train
I'd like to stay, in a stormy winters day
so I'll come back to you someday

As the states rolled by
its all so clear
I'm everywhere but never right here
It's always the same
constant change.
But I'll come back to you someday

So close so far
so long the world
spin me away

I drive all night just to see your face
The way you touch the way you taste
Even if only for a day
I'll come back to you someday

I speak the truth its all i know
As your tears fall to the snow
and we both know
That tonight I can't say that I'll come back to you someday

blast from the past

“Aku adalah perempuan yang menghitamkan pelangi, yang merubah sayap cantik kupu-kupu menjadi seonggok debu. Menghancurkan semua yang pernah kusentuh, meluruh bersama guyuran hujan. Aku adalah dosa yang membayangi kemana kaki melangkah. Menyesakkan setiap milimeter ruang dalam paru-paru yang berusaha menghirup udara. Adakah aku layak bertahan dalam hidup, yang bukan milikku, yang bukan untukku.

Pernah singgah masa dimana aku merasa merajai dunia. Melihat semua warna-warni yang pernah dibuat Sang Maha Pencipta. Meraba seluruh permukaan halus sempurna yang terpahat pada setiap sudut waktu. Ketika itu aku merasa bumi terlalu sederhana untuk dipijak. Gravitasi tidak lagi menarik hatiku karena ia dapat mengepakkan sayap nya terbang bebas, kapan saja ia mau, kemanapun ia suka. Mengapa harus memaksa kaki melangkah jika hanya dengan satu jentikan jemari aku dapat melayang ringan, menjelajahi ruang dan waktu. Mengapa harus menahan senyum saat aku bisa tertawa, terbahak-bahak memamerkan keceriaan. Mengapa harus memejamkan mata saat aku dapat terjaga memandang hamparan keindahan yang terbentang luas, tanpa batas.

Namun sungguh kesempurnaan bukan lah sesuatu yang sempurna karena ia tak dapat tergenggam selamanya. Bukan berupa gumpalan zat padat yang dapat kudekap erat dekat dengan debaran jantungku. Bukan pula cairan yang dapat kuteguk untuk selamanya mengalir dalam darah. Ia bahkan lebih ringan dari udara. Tak terlihat. Tak tergenggam. Hanya terhirup sesaat untuk kemudian terhembus pergi.

Aku telah merasakan remuk redam. Menjadi serpihan tipis yang melayang tak tertangkap oleh sepasang mata manapun. Dunia tempat kaki ini biasa berpijak seketika meluruh ke kedalaman tanpa dasar. Menyisakan lubang hitam menganga tanpa sejentik pun cahaya. Dan aku, sang serpihan tak berbentuk, terus saja melayang-layang di dalamnya. Semakin dalam. Semakin gelap. Semakin aku melawan naik, semakin jauh aku terhisap ke dalamnya. Maka kupasrahkan diriku tanpa daya. Aku berdamai dengan gelap. Aku bersahabat dengan sunyi. Dan aku meratap bersama ia yang lebih pekat dari hitam, lebih legam dari malam. Ia lah sang duka.

Sang duka mengajarkanku menangis, dan ia memperkenalkan aku pada air mata. Sungguh janggal bagiku merasakan butir-butirnya meleleh dari sudut mata, menjalari pipi, dan kemudian meninggalkan kecupan di bibirku. Kecupan yang sesekali masih terasa, meski masa datang silih berganti.”

I wish I could just erase all of those dark and painful memories. If only I could just drop them, leave them behind and never look back. But that's the thing about memories, they stay with you for as long as you live. Just like a glimpse of the beautiful ones can still make you giggle or smile goonily, a flash of the painful ones still hurts.

at the risk of being cheesy..

"Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores

you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you

still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry."

Been there, done that.

--

Sent from my mobile device

bold what applies to you, or so I was told

You like showers better than bubble baths. You cannot stand pop music. You have a sister. You are an only child. You have black hair. You have blonde hair. You have red hair. You have glasses. You wear contacts. You like TV more than movies. You don’t talk on the phone often. You like to shop. You like emo music. You are tall. You are short. You are average height. You have long hair. You have medium length hair. You have short hair. You use AIM. You use Yahoo IM. You have more than 3 pets. You like sushi. You love sushi. You are on a diet. You are currently on the second floor of your house. You have a small room. You are in high school. You have 1 little brother. You have an older brother. You are allergic to something. You have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You have a current crush. You have many crushes. You have been kissed. You have kissed another girl. You laugh a lot. You have lots of friends. You are lonely. You are depressed. You are listening to music. You are doing homework. You have school tomorrow. You are sick. You hate your teacher. You think your teacher is OK. There is drama in your school, constantly. You are wearing sweat pants. You are wearing socks. You are wearing a T-shirt. You have lost a loved one. You hate your school. You loved your school. You have been picked on. You have been yelled at. You have gotten in a fight. You have said a bad word. You shop at Abercrombie and Fitch. You play basketball. You play softball. You play baseball. You play soccer. You play football. You hate sports. You get manicures. You shop at Pac Sun. You go to the mall a lot. You are close with your family. You never fight with your parents. You have been grounded. You have driven a car. You are listening to your iPod. You are watching TV.You are watching a movie. You are listening to the radio. You are singing. You are happy. You are sad. You are blah. You are anxious. You are about to go somewhere. You haven’t been out of your house for over 3 days. Someone besides you is in the same room with you. You love your natural hair. You hate your eye color. You wish you were never been born. You write your own songs. You write books. You hate to write. You hate your hometown. You love your hometown. You are smart. You are average. You are dumb. You get good grades. You enjoy having people at your house. You love going to the movies with a lot of people. You like to go bowling with your friends. You have ice-skated before. You like popsicles. You think Vanilla is better than Chocolate.

i don't share.......you.

Saya tidak akan membagi kamu. Tidak dengan dia, atau dia-dia lainnya. Yang saya tahu kamu milik saya, utuh. Tanpa ragu saya akan menyentil, menepis jari-jari itu, yang ingin mencuil-cuil kamu. Satu serpihan kecil pun saya tak rela membagi.

Kamu hanya untuk saya. Cuma saya. Bilang sama mereka percuma mencoba-coba. Mungkin kalau nanti kesabaran ini sudah di ujung tanduk, saya terpaksa menempelkan karton putih bertuliskan PRIVATE BELONGING OF NISA ALATTAS. Dengan spidol merah tebal, huruf kapital. Atau mungkin dengan Bahasa Indonesia saja, kalau-kalau ada yang perlu buka kamus untuk cari tahu artinya.

Ih, biar saja mereka iri dengki. Siapa suruh mata-mata jelalatan itu dipakai untuk memelototi kamu. Dengan kerongkongan turun naik menelan liur. Biar saja mereka gigit daun pintu melihat kita bersama. Biar sampai habis mereka gerogoti. Biar saja kuku-kuku tajam mereka mencakar menggaruk-garuk aspal. Saya tidak peduli. Dan kamu..ah, terlebih-lebih kamu.

Mungkin tampang saya kurang seram dan perawakan saya kurang sangar, ya? Masih saja ada yang nekat coba-coba mengganggu kamu. Mencoba mencuri kamu dari saya dengan liciknya. Sebaiknya pemilik tangan-tangan jahil itu berhati-hati, kebetulan di rumah saya banyak nyamuk menjelang musim kemarau begini. Apa hubungannya? Tentu saja raket listrik nyamuk selalu siap dalam genggaman. Walaupun pukulan backhand dan forehand saya tidak ada apa-apanya dibanding atlet tennis profesional, tapi dijamin akan cukup menyakitkan. Ditambah sengatan listriknya tentu saja.

Sudahlah. Menyerahlah mumpung belum kehilangan muka. Mau usaha seperti apapun tidak akan ada gunanya. Tidak ada yang bisa memiliki kamu selain saya. Hanya saya. Dan saya tidak suka, dan tidak mau berbagi. Mengerti?

!!!$$###!!^##!

Have you ever woken up in the morning, all pissed off, wanted to bitch-slap and beat the crap out of someone for something they did in your dream??

Haha. I have. One too many times.

That sort of situation is usually followed by the shame of being stupid. *grin*

(those aren't) Happy Tears

Banyak sekali berita bahagia yang dateng dari teman-teman dekat gw belakangan ini, sahabat-sahabat gw. Percaya deh, gw bersyukur dan bener-bener bahagia buat kalian. Saat gw senyum dan bilang "Selamat yaaa!!!", itu bukan cuma di bibir aja. InsyaAllah gw tulus, dari dasar hati terdalam.

Tapi tolong maafin gw, kalo begitu gw selesai bales messages kalian, atau tutup telepon kalian, gw mulai ngerasain rasa sakit yang menyesakkan di dada gw. Dan tanpa bisa gw cegah, air mata itu udah mengalir dari mata gw. Gw pengen banget bilang itu air mata bahagia. Gw pengen banget bisa bilang gitu. But I guess that would be a lie.

Gw tau semua udah ada jalannya masing-masing. Gw tau kebahagiaan dan keberhasilan kita gak bisa diukur dengan apa yang dicapai dan dilakukan orang lain. Selama hampir 25 taun gw hidup di dunia ini, rasa-rasanya gw hampir ga pernah berusaha buat meraih sesuatu cuma karena ngeliat orang lain bisa ngedapetin itu. Kalo gw berusaha keras untuk ngeraih atau ngedapetin sesuatu, biasanya karena gw emang pengen, bukan karena si A bisa begini, atau si B bisa begitu. Gw percaya setiap orang punya impian dan harapan yang berbeda-beda untuk dikejar dalam hidupnya. I'm not a competitive person, I believe those who know me will agree on this.

Tapi ini, kebahagian yang lagi menyebar merajalela di temen-temen gw akhir-akhir ini, mimpi-mimpi mereka yang lagi jadi kenyataan itu, itu mimpi gw juga!!! Itu kebahagiaan yang mati-matian gw kejar, yang setiap malam menghantui tidur gw, dan setiap saat gw minta di dalam doa-doa gw. It feels so close, yet far away at the same time. Dan meskipun gw tau semua itu udah ada waktunya masing-masing, gw ga bisa berhenti ngebatin kapan giliran gw dateng. Kapan kebahagiaan itu bisa gw rasain. Dan itulah penyebab air mata itu menetes.

Rasanya menyakitkan. Ya, menyakitkan ketika gw ngerasa orang lain kok jalannya lurus-lurus aja, gampang-gampang aja untuk dapetin kebahagiaan itu. Sementara gw, dan dia, masih harus ngelewatin rintangan yang maha dahsyat sampai entah kapan. Tentunya bodoh banget buat gw mikir kayak gitu, setiap orang pasti punya permasalahan dan cobaannya masing2 yang gw belum tentu tau, kan. Apa yang keliatan di permukaan belum tentu yang sebenarnya, dan ga ada yang bener-bener tau kecuali ya mereka sendiri yang ngejalanin.

Sabar dan ikhlas, rumus paling klise, paling susah, sekaligus paling bener buat semuanya. Ga ada yang namanya kebetulan. Semua hal yang terjadi dalam hidup kita pasti ada alesannya, dan pasti ada hikmahnya. Walaupun sabar dan ikhlas kadang-kadang bisa jadi susaaaaaahhh banget, tapi setidaknya gw terus mencoba untuk itu. Ga ada cobaan yang ga bisa diatasin, ga ada ujian yang ga bisa dilewatin. Dengan penantian dan perjuangan maha dahsyat yang harus gw, dan dia, lewatin ini, kebayang dooonggg gimana extra nya kebahagiaannya nanti!!!! Wooohoooo!!! (Hehehe.. usaha menghibur diri sendiri..=p)

Well, bukan berarti gw udah ga 'tertohok' kalo denger berita-berta bahagia itu lagi, sih. Occasional tears might still fall. Hehehe.. Tapi gw berusaha banget buat sabar dan ikhlas dengan keadaan gw saat ini. Meminjam kalimat sahabat gw yang luar biasa, gw berusaha sabar dan berusaha mengerti cara Tuhan mencintai gw. =)